if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize