my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
