At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
