walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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