Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
"it" just moved
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
