Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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