Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
