The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
