I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
