U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
