Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
