a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize