theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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