do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
