In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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