Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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