You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
