what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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