margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
