I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I think i got beer on your cat.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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