I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
