Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
