you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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