it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
