and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I think my vagina is haunted
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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