I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
