looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
