so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
