4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize