Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
