I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
