Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
