I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
