Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
