porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You smell like stripper and shame
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
