Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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