All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
