Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
