So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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