You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
