my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
