I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize