here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
