What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
