onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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