The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
