He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
