if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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