You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize