my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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