"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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