i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
