The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
