can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Randomize
