Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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