God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
