Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
