Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize