P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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