he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
