im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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