At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
