sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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