none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
