i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Congratulations! We have a period
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