Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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