im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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