operation have a gay friend backfired
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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